Download E-books Comedy Quote Dictionary, The PDF

A set of greater than thousand jokes, epigrams, and one-liners from greater than 600 of the funniest comedians and writers of the 20 th century comprises the paintings of Rodney Dangerfield, Will Rogers, Judy Tenuta, and others. 20,000 first printing.

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Why are they on planes ? they've got no appointments, they have been born simply days in the past. Our occasions are so tense that infants are born and cross, "I simply popped out of the womb, I gotta dry up, discover ways to breathe-1'11 be at the o'clock, it is the most sensible i will do .. " PAUL REISER 21 A L C zero H zero L The airways banned smoking on their Rights. Now in the event that they can do it on their landings. Bt\RRY C RI~IMINS i believe I embarrassed the girl subsequent to me at the airplane. It used to be a kind of Rights that you just sleep on. and that i sleep within the nude. )OIINNY darkish I received a superb tribute on the airport. TI1ey fired twenty-one pictures within the air in my honor. direction, it would've been nicer if they might waited for the airplane to land ... On champagne Aights, a few stewardesses serve an excessive amount of. as soon as I acquired on as a passenger and obtained off as baggage. BOR I lOPE males bounce from an plane. the 1st pulls the twine -and the chute works completely. the second one pulls the cord-and not anything occurs. l-Ie retains falling instantly down. As he passes his pal, the fellow will get mad, unbuckles the harness, and shouts, "So, you wanna race, eh? '' CHARUE CALlAS 22 I as soon as went for a task at one of many airways. The interviewer requested me why i wished to be a stewardess, and that i informed her-it will be a very good probability to fulfill males. i used to be sincere approximately it! She checked out me and acknowledged, "But you could meet males an ywhere. " I acknowledged, "Strapped down? " ~ l-\Rlllr\ RAYE i feel I accept as true with the previous woman who stated if Cod had meant us to fly he could by no means have given us the railways. ~II C IIAEL FLANDERS AlcokJ if you happen to do not drink, while yo u get up within the morning that is the most sensible you are gonna believe all day. MAR"n N MULL Let's get out of those rainy outfits and right into a dry martini. ROBERT BENCIILEY Father used to be bobbing up the steps with 5 gallons of elderberry wine, and he slipped and A fell transparent down into the basement. thankfully, he did not spill a drop-he stored his mouth closed. L C zero H zero L band simply slid less than the desk. " She acknowledged, "My husband simply walked in that door. " SL-\I'PY WHITE CHARLEY WEAVER (CLIFF ARQUE:lTE) i used to be in love with a stunning blonde as soon as. She drove me to drink. that is the something i am indebted to her for. W. C. FIELDS Alcohol kills mind cells. mind mobile: "Did you convey the oxygen? '' Blood phone: "1l1e oxygen? Oh boy, let's have a look at. i used to be within the lungs. I headed towards the pinnacle. And . . . i finished to celebration with associates ... I simply forgot. " We take the single organ in our physique that may not develop again and we kill it for enjoyable! CAREY ODES Alcohol is nice for you. My grandfather proved it irrevocably. He drank quarts of booze each mature day of his existence and lived to the age of 103. i used to be on the cremation-that fireplace wouldn't exit. Whiskey and women'll kill you. i do know. 111ey killed my brother. He could not get both one so he simply laid down and died. TI-lE DUKE OF PADUCAII (WHITEY FORD) i'm going to hand over drinkin' simply once i will be able to locate a few greater approach to get it down. )J:. TIIRO BURNS invoice Paley simply walked into my dressing room with bottles of champagne and opened them up and stated, "Let's have a drink.

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